Prisoners of Hate

Prisoners of Hate: the cognitive basis of anger, hostility and violence
Written by Aaron Beck

Excerpt written by Douglas Todd, Vancouver Sun

Beck believes hatred arises when people feel diminished.

Such people initially feel hurt, a feeling they deny because it is so painful. Instead, they opt for feeling angry. When that and anger grows extreme, it becomes hate.

Hatred, Beck says, tends to take over people with low self-esteem, people who are easily threatened-people who are defensively egocentric, even narcissistic. As the British playwright, George Bernard Shaw harshly put it “Hatred is the coward’s revenge for being intimidated”.

Lest we get carried away criticizing those who hate, however, let’s admit feelings of contempt can well in all of us. Revulsion rears it’s head in moments of stress and vulnerability. Suddenly we find ourselves raging at political opponents, religious competitors, family members, bosses, employees, rival team members, ethnic groups and entire nations.

As founder of cognitive therapy, Beck revolutionized the concept that hatred often arises when people become “negative mind-readers”. When something unpleasant happens, Beck says people who hate often over-generalize, thinking they know the other person’s inner motives, which they invariably see as dark.

For instance, Beck said people with low self-esteem might automatically interpret a friend not returning a phone call as a sign, “She has no respect for me”. When a teacher corrects such vulnerable people, they think, “She is always critical of me”. When a waiter delays taking her order, they instinctively believe, “He thinks I’m a nobody”.

You can see why such thoughts lead to hatred. Loathing rises up in people who are afraid to admit the origin of their anger was simply feeling hurt. Instead, Beck says such people convince themselves they are victims.

The hate-prone often resort to black and white thinking, to self-righteousness, thinking they’re right and the other is absolutely wrong. As a result, the hateful often retaliate. By belittling the people who diminished them, they think they’ve reduced the impact of the perceived put-down.

In an international conflict, the faction that’s most hate-filled invariably believes it’s a victim of evil. Hatred often comes with exaggerated patriotism. The nationalistic Nazi party turned Germans’ economic misery after the First World War into a skapegoating of Jews, encouraging hatred of them for their success and left-wing convictions.

In the 19th-century North America, American generals, feeling victimized shouted “Remember the Alamo!” as they seized new territories from Mexico for the U.S. After Sept.11, 2001, George W. Bush portrayed his powerful country as victim – one was either for or against the United States. Partly as a result, many threatened Canadians hated Americans, at least certain Americans. Hatred turns disagreement into skapegoating, into blaming ideological opponents for everything that’s wrong in the world. Hatred turns leaders who are merely flawed into demons.

That’s what many partisans have been doing to Democrat Barack Obama, with some Christians literally believing he’s the Anti-Christ. Excessive blaming was also directed at republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin and B.C.’s ex-NPD premier Glen Clark.

Feeling their worldview belittled, hate filled people exaggerate the mistakes of such politicians and turn them into embodiments of absolute incompetence, while conveniently forgetting the mistakes made by their chosen politicians.

In another vein, many readers surprised me by being engaged by my attempt to revisit the anachronistic name, “British Columbia”. They must have felt diminished and threatened, falsely thinking I wanted to sell out the province’s heritage to Asian immigrants.

How can we deal with hatred?

It requires emotional intelligence, including the ability to name what we are feeling and to see ethical shades of grey. Although easier said than done, quelling hatred also means developing stronger self-esteem. That way when something annoying happens to us we won’t reflexively interpret it as a withering put-down.

An inner war against hatred also calls for the spiritual discipline of non-violence. It requires developing empathy for others, with Beck citing studies showing it can be learned: People can be trained to see the world through the eyes of others.

In the end, combating hatred requires seeing others as people much like ourselves; a complex mix of strength and imperfection.