Steps to Greater Happiness

By: Mark Holder, U of BC Okanagan

There isn’t much science on the topic of happiness, but psychologist Mark Holder has read most of it. He told report Randy Shore of the Vancouver Sun what he knows. Here is what science has to say about getting more happiness in your life:

Nurture social relationships

Family, friends and neighbours are vital to your perception of your own well-being and foster a sense of belonging essential to happiness. Talk to them and listen to them. If you do nothing else on the list, do this.

Pursue well-being, not being well off

Wealth is only scantly associated with happiness and the cost of achieving it is too high.

Choose your comparisons wisely

Everyone on TV is likely to be richer, thinner and better looking than you. It’s hard to feel good about that. Try comparisons with your neighbours instead of Brad Pitt or Jennifer Garner. Save them for your fantasies.

Keep a gratitude journal

Write down three things each day that you are thankful for and ask your spouse and children to do the same. If three sounds like a lot, it should. It forces you to really search your day for the good things that happen.

Get into the flow - do things you can get passionately involved in

Bike a favourite trail, do yoga, play hockey. Do whatever lets the rest of the world fall away. Watching TV does not count. Be an active e participant in something that absorbs you.

Complete tasks

Make a list and check things off as you get them done. Unfinished tasks are a source of stress.

Develop a hobby

Ideally, it should be physical and social. Walking groups, square dancing, curling and especially gardening are good choices. Pick something that you like and do it with others.

Volunteer

Doing something for others makes you feel better about yourself, your capabilities and gives rise to feelings of generosity. It enhances your self-esteem and wins you social approval, as well as helping other people.

Reclaim your spirituality

Jobs, kids and mortgages can put your spiritual needs on a back burner. Go to worship, pray, meditate or watch a sunset. Lie on a blanket in the yard to look at the stars and gaze with awe upon the universe.

Savour the small moments

If you eat a strawberry, stop and really taste it. Stop and notice when you catch yourself in a moment of pleasure.

Thank somebody

Don’t wait for the wake to say that someone touched your life. Write a letter of thanks to a teacher, a mentor or someone who helped you and send it. You will feel good and so will they.

Forgive

Let go of old animosities towards others and let yourself off the hook for your embarrassments and past moments of weakness. Resentment and thoughts of revenge will disappear. You have to choose. It will not be easy, but is you succeed it will be worth it.